I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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