How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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