She just used a chaser for red wine.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize