Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
