she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
