im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
