A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
