I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We're too hungover to prance.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
