im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
