ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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