i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
