I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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