i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
