i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
