I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
