I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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