The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
