Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize