I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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