I must be too annoying 4 u.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
