I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize