How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
