oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
