Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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