apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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