Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
