Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
