so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
