if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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