Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
