I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
