mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
