So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
