I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
