I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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