My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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