I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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