Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
