I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Randomize
