He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
