They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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