I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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