LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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