so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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