The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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