The maid of honor just puked.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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