you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
