It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
