Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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