Don't you send me to vm
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
