she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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