just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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