I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
