At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
