I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
