I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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