I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize