I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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