Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I know her cup size but not her name....
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
