So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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