i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
