he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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