omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
